Who are you?

Now I become myself. It's taken Time, many years and places;
I have been dissolved and shaken, Worn other people's faces…

These opening lines from May Sarton’s poem Now I Become Myself capture a primary task for leaders: naming reality. Who are you? Where are you? Leaders certainly need to do this in the context in which they operate. First and foremost, however, they must demonstrate a willingness to name reality in their own life. Often this starts by answering the simple yet profound question “who am I?”

So, who are you?

Failing to answer this question leaves leaders vulnerable. Vulnerable to the temptation of adopting someone else’s identity—“wearing other people’s faces”—and seeking to mimic their approach, response, view, or behaviour. In doing this, leaders undermine their ability, and responsibility, to lead with authenticity .

So, who are you?

In his book Let Your Life Speak, Sociologist Parker Palmer asserts that “our deepest calling is to grow into our own authentic selfhood, whether or not it conforms to some image of who we ought to be. As we do so, we will not only find the joy that every human seeks—we will also find our path of authentic service in the world.”

When we are insecure about our identities, Palmer concludes, we create settings that deprive other people of their identities as a way of buttressing our own.

So, who are you?

Leadership forces a person to be honest with themself about who they are. If they fail to address this head on they will live in tension between their identity and performance. They perform in order to be accepted. They perform in order to please others and to keep their own fragile identity intact. This is not sustainable. This is exhausting.

When leaders are clear about who they are, their identity and performance align. They flourish as they lead with greater authenticity and integrity.

So, who are you?

Give yourself a gift today. Pause. Look in the mirror. Ask yourself, “Who am I?” Wait. What do you hear?

The task of leadership can be isolating and lonely. Of course, we are often surrounded by people—sharing ideas, solving problems, making decisions. But even with all the human contact, our role can disconnect us from others.

But effective leadership happens in and through relationships. We cannot function autonomously. In the same way, the task of knowing oneself cannot simply be a solo exercise. We know ourselves more fully as we are better known by others.

So, once again, pause. Find a trusted friend or colleague. Ask them, “who am I?” Wait. What do you hear?

Allow the responses to be gifts. They can help you more fully know and become yourself. They can help you name reality.

Don’t let it take many years and places. Stop wearing other people’s faces. Start today.

Who are you?

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Curiosity, Empathy & Emergence